my top ten most beautiful women

Ever since Mitch mentioned his "top ten most beautiful women" and then never bothered to list them all, I was determined to outdo him. Well, actually, it's my "top ten most beautiful women that I don't know in real life" because otherwise it'd probably get kind of awkward and involve somewhat insulting comparisons to first-person shooters.

There's no particular order because i don't want to bother taking the time to rank them, but they do divide up into three distinct categories.


Jewel Staite

Kaylee definitely gets my vote for prettiest girl on Serenity, although admittedly the other girls are married, crazy, or whores. I believe "ebullient" is probably the right word for her. Not that I've seen her in anything that isn't Firefly, though. Apparently she's a singer?

Bai Ling
I first saw Bai Ling (pictured on the right) in Lost, where she had the hair you see in this picture. She was really pretty, in an extremely odd, Asian way. Actually, she kind of reminded me of some kind of stinging insect, like a sexy alien wasp. She just has a really alien-like bone structure and a long neck. Also, she apparently likes to be photographed and it's not too hard to find pictures of her nipples, which I guess is a good thing?

Katie Sackhoff
A.K.A. "Starbuck" on Battlestar Galactica. She really appeals to me in a very butch sort of way. She's a fucking badass and not even death can kill her.

It seems that I'm fairly likely to be attracted to lesbians.

Clea Duvall
Speaking of lesbians... well, okay, just bisexual. But she played a lesbian once. I think she's mostly on this list because she managed to overcome the fact that, when I first saw her (in Carnivale) I had difficulty accepting her as being a person because her face is just that weirdly-shaped. But I'm over that now and I'm kind of a fan. Although I've only seen her in Carnivale and Heroes. Oh, and an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Audrey Tautou
I almost forgot about her. How could I do that? It is unforgivable. Audrey Tautou is absolutely the most adorable girl on the planet, ever, a statement that will absolutely never come back to haunt me. I believe she was created as a cross between Audrey Hepburn and a kitten. Also, Amelie is one of my all-time favorite movies, and, by extension, so is A Very Long Engagement, since that's basically just Amelie set in WWI.

Joan Blondell
I think I saw her in maybe Gold Diggers of 1933 first? I don't know, all Busby Berkeley movies are fundamentally the same. Anyway, I found her to be extremely cute, for some reason. It probably helps that her picture on Wikipedia is nude. Obviously she got less attractive as she got older, but now she's dead, and lovely forever. Or at least she's left a lovely skeleton.

Salma Hayek
I suppose I should probably choose at least one mainstream actress. I nominate Salma Hayek, who is much too attractive to be playing Frida Kahlo.


Neko Case

Once, in debating whether Neko Case is a better country singer than Johnny Cash, I resorted to the argument that Neko Case is hotter. This is true, and she probably has the best country singing voice of all time. If her lyrics are any indication, though, she is possibly insane. That's okay by me. One time I Googled imaged her and found out that the second result is her wearing a mesh shirt with nothing underneath. I feel as though I can die and be reasonably fulfilled now.

Leslie Feist
Is there anyone I'd rather have whispering things into my ear than Leslie Feist? Yes, but, as I mentioned before, I'm not going to get into that here. I was looking for someone on Facebook named Leslie and found that Leslie Fiest has a Facebook account, and is a UW alum. I thought about adding her as my friend, but if she rejected me I figure I'd be disallowed from listening to her music. Also: She's "In a Relationship." With who? With me... IN THE FUTURE?


Actually, this position is a four-way tie between Jen Wang, Vera Brosgol, Erika Moen(pictured), and Liz Greenfield, all of whom are about my age, reasonably cute, and amazing artists. If any of them ever wanted to date me I would immediately drop whatever/whoever I was doing and go for it. This seems unlikely, as they all either live in other places or are a lesbian. Not just any lesbian. A lesbian with a boyfriend. There's still a chance, right?

Naturally, I read all their LiveJournals. Apparently Jen and Erika are going to be living together? Somebody needs to write slash fiction about this. Dammit, now I'm trying to visualize that. It's very... artistic.

Gaius Baltar is the most beautiful woman ever.


Anonymous said...

Audrey Tautou = love. She isn't hot enough to be my lesbian fantasy, but I wish I was her.

Matt said...

You've made my girlfriend blush! We're really chuffed you put her on your list =D

Matt - Im Erika Moen's Boyfriend.