the emo report

So it turns out I don't have any really good friends in Seattle right now other than Nat. And since Nat's Nat, that means I don't really spend a lot of my spare time around people. Well, not people I know anyway. It's not like I go home and wander around a cold unlit maze of slick black hallways.

And when I get lonely, my first instinct is to play video games until I start to feel empty. Then I get kind of sad at being lonely. Not so much depression as soul-rending boredom combined with severe annoyance at being lonely. And then I usually go outside and wander around, because apparently my instinct when I'm left alone is:

1. Hollow myself out until I am an empty shell, filled only with insatiable hunger for something unknown
2. Follow the setting sun as far as I can and watch it die, drawing dark comfort from the cold wind on my face and the roaring surf in my ears
3. Go live in the deepest part of the woods (or north Seattle neighborhoods, if deep woods not available) and stalk and kill people, ripping them apart with my bare fangs

I don't know if that's really emo though, because I'm kind of happy by the time I get to part 2. And I've never really finished part 3, but if you hear about brutal, animalistic killings in Ravenna, you know who to blame.

Given as there's nobody in Seattle that calls me up and says "let's hang out" and all my attempts to date girls have met with gigantic obstacles and will probably continue to meet obstacles until I die alone or go live in the deep woods, it's fair to say my social life sucks right now. And gas prices combined with my limited budget makes driving up to Bellingham regularly kind of worrisomely expensive. So I might have to go with part 3, that or force Nat to invite me over to pet her kittens on a bi-weekly basis. Or steal them and raise them as my own.

Also this week: I lost my watch somehow, so I will eventually get a new one, but it probably won't be pink.


Anonymous said...

Get your own kitten! You can frequently find them in boxes on the side of the road. And they're cute.

Erik Bear said...

My apartment doesn't allow pets.

Anonymous said...

"What are friends for but to let you know
You’re treasured in some heart,
Give you thoughts of pleasure
When you are far apart.
Keep you ever mindful
of the happiness you give,
Make your way a little brighter,
Give you roses while you live.

Keep in mind that I love you,
Keep in mind that I care,
Thought the world that’s spinning round you
May bring grief and despair,
When you find yourself alone
Amid the city’s push and shove,
Don’t be discouraged,
Keep in mind that you are loved."

Anonymous said...

I often feel the same way you do.

I've played video games until my brain ceases to question why my phone doesn't ring.

I've often wondered if my inability to relate to the opposite sex meant that I was destined to die alone.

I've been sad, annoyed, depressed about all of this, and it didn't seem like anyone or anything could console me.

I can't say that I know you very well, but I've had friends who have been in similar situations as you and me and I strongly regretted not saying the things I wanted to say when I had the chance.

A lot of people are assholes, but a lot of people will get you. Your social life may suck now, and it may suck for a while, but as long as you do not isolate yourself with distractions it does not have to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It may sound cheesy, but keep yourself out there. A lot of people don't even get that far.

erin bean said...

erik bear, i have a feeling that the last 2 comments were left by completely random emo strangers. but you can always correct me if i'm wrong.
anyway, i'm sorry that i don't live in the same city as you. because if i did, we would hang out like nobody's business... i'm also sorry that i just ate a bunch of pumpkin-chocolate-chip cookies, because ... well, that's just not a very admirable life choice...
have you ever heard the song "gypsy" by suzanne vega? it's one of my all time favorites, and i think that we should write a mix tape around it... what do you say?