I have considerable difficulty getting to sleep. I'm way too self-aware, and that leads to me being unable to lose consciousness without first pummeling it into submission by getting really tired. So I'm on about a 4 A.M. to 12 P.M. sleep schedule, and that keeps getting pushed up. If I push it up far enough, do you think I might be able to sleep like a normal person?


tell me

that the last sentence in this article is not a great opening line for a short story.

Or closing line.


seriously what the hell

I think it's actually physically impossible for me to get a date, I mean, a universal law similar like nuclear force, only for relationships and also in reverse. Even if I do manage to get a date there's a retroactive law of causality that causes it to become not a date.

I'm getting into romantic comedy territory here. It's not even depressing any more. It's annoying, and it's fucking ridiculous.


so i have a massive patron crush on this woman at the library

Which all started when I processed some holds for someone named "Dorothée Malfoy-Noël." There's a lot of people with cool names on the holdshelf, but that's up at the top. Eventually I ended up checking out some DVDs to her, Leni Riefenstahl and Werner Herzog, I think, and it turns out she's gorgeous and has a great French or possibly Russian accent. Although by her hyphenated last name I assume she's married. You can look her up on Facebook though and see for yourself how gorgeous she is.


sometimes sorority girls write excellent dialogue

Girl on campus talking to her friend, with a really sweet voice: "I kind of live for the days when I see him and look cute. Not that I want him to think I'm attractive anymore, I just want him to see me and think, "I fucked that up."